Your spouse’s earnings are your earnings
By: Amanda Idleman
“love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ” – 1 Corinthians 13:4
How many times have you read this verse in the context of marriage and skipped the previous part about love does not envy? Envy isn’t something we talk about when we talk about married life, but it’s one of those sneaky deadly sins that can crush love.
Marriage means working as a team but taking on different roles or jobs. Each person is blessed with different talents and abilities. Every family has different needs that require unique sacrifices from each married person. A couple becomes A when they say “I do” and the unit is a fusion of two very different individuals.
In addition to our differences, life comes with lots of crazy seasons! Some demand more sacrifice from one spouse than another. Your partner may get sick and you need to take over caring for them And all other needs of the rest of the family for a season. Often, the years of pregnancy and breastfeeding can require more sacrifice from mom than from dad. Your spouse may be working on growing a business or going back to school, requiring additional work from their partner. Whatever the scenario, there are times in marriage when life and its responsibilities are not divided equally between a man and a woman.
For me, my time during pregnancy and breastfeeding was filled with moments. I bought the lie of envy. I became envious of this man who seemed so much more focused than me. He didn’t have ten pounds of baby weight yet to lose. He is a great dad and is happily greeted by our children when he comes home after work. He is not worried about our children. He laughs freely, dresses well, and has a plan for what his days should entail. In comparison, I felt like I was having a hard time keeping it together. The lie of envy has brought me to a point that I really felt the hatred boiling in my heart for my husband.
When we walk through these “uneven seasons,” the enemy of our soul loves to sow the lie of envy in our minds. It’s easy to see our partners’ success or our personal sacrifice as cause for letting the sting of envy steal our affection for our spouses. THE lie asks “Why do they have it so easily when I’m fending for myself here? Why can’t I be the only one to go back to school or succeed at work? Why is it so easy for them to lose weight while I struggle to lose a few pounds? When we compare ourselves to our partners, it’s easy to let your mind accept the disappointment that they have it better.
I had to confront this lie head on to overcome its power in my life. I had to repent of not seeing that we had different roles, gifts and challenges. I trembled gently against this man whose only goal was to love me well. With God’s help, the story I was allowing to change had to change in my mind how much better his life was than mine. I had to remember that true love don’t envy.
Be honest with your spouse and with God and let the Holy Spirit reveal the envied places that have been holding you back from joyfully loving your spouse. Prayer and repentance have the power to end the urge of envy. With kind words, share your struggle with your partner so that they can offer you support and reassurance that you are on the same team. Your spouse’s victories are your victories, so there is no room for envy in marriage, only for love.
Amanda Idleman is a homeschooling wife and mother of three amazing children who is passionate about encouraging others to live with joy. Amanda also enjoys writing as a freelance writer and on her blog (when she finds a free moment for it). You can learn more about Amanda on her blog rvahouseofjoy.wordpress.com or follow her on Instagram at rvahouseofjoy.
For more great resources for Christian couples, visit Crosswalk’s Wedding channel.
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