What are the aspects to work on during the engagement?
Marriage is a very special season of our lives, it is the most important. From this celestial and divine union, children will be born. Over a life of 80 years, we can estimate that our marriage will span 50 years if we marry in our XNUMXs. Considering the years that our engagement, it is obvious that preparation cannot be neglected. We must know that the good health of our union and therefore the blessing in the lives of our children, their children for thousands of generations, will depend on it. This preparation should be taken very seriously, much more than the dress or the party. What aspects will we need to work on during the engagement?
Be solidly anchored in Jesus Christ
During this preparation, the team that accompanies us, the mature people around us, must first make sure to take stock of our identity in Christ. It is essential to be honest on this point, because this will result in the good health of the marriage. If we are not clinging to the Vine, then we will be shaken with every breeze of wind blowing on the hearth as Jesus says in Matthew 7:24-27 (KJV): “Therefore, whoever hears these words which I speak and does them, will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain fell, the torrents came, the winds blew and rushed against this house: it did not fall, because it was founded on rock. But whoever hears these words that I say, and does not put them into practice, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand; the rain fell, the torrents came, the winds blew and beat this house: it fell, and its ruin was great. »
It is fundamental that our intimacy with the Trinity is our dearest desire. Also in this preparation, the key will be to establish it if it is not yet established. This did not protect us from trials, Jesus never promised us a life without difficulties, this is a worldly thought that we must break from the start. Jesus gave us His Spirit, His presence forever, to help us fulfill throughout our lives the two highest commandments envisaged in Matthew 22:37-40 (KJV): “Jesus saves him: thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And here is the second, which is similar to it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depends the whole law and the prophets.
By constantly listening to and obeying theHoly Spirit who lives in us, we will then be unshakeable in the face of the tribulations of this world. Beloved, in marriage we will be shaken, pruned and stretched but having already established our identity in Christ, then this season will be sweeter. If we are attached to Jesus as the branch is attached to the vine, we will never stop loving each other. We must know our worth, grasp our heavenly inheritance, know that we children of God, joint heirs and co-heirs to the throne of Glory, have royal blood and therefore we honor ourselves, we love ourselves and we are worthy of our Rank.
Beloved, many couples tear each other apart because none of the bride and groom knows their identity, because many do not love each other. They come into this season with the lies that the enemy has stuck to their souls about their worth, their beauty, their character, their identity. As they make the choice to keep the highest commandment, that of loving God with all their might, then they will see themselves as He sees them and therefore will never cease to love each other.
Preparation for marriage will therefore make us work on these two points. Once this first point has been validated in us, we will also have to work on the second part of the second highest commandment, in order to love according to the heart of God.
Love the other as yourself
If not loving oneself, not knowing our identity is one of the main causes of divorce among Christians, the second part: loving the other as oneself is not to be neglected either. The second commandment cannot work if the two parts are not united. This preparation will emphasize loving God first, thus ensuring that we love ourselves. Then we could love the other as ourselves. Love according to the heart of God is not a selfish and carnal love, it is a totally unconditional love turned towards the other. Hence the importance of knowing this notion of divine love and of cleaning up the souls of the bride and groom of this worldly vision of love.
Earthly love is only a requirement towards the other while the love that God asks us to have is a love that gives continuously by looking at the other as superior to us. Marriage preparation will ensure that this view of love is not corrupted. As we enter the season of marriage, we will no longer live solely for ourselves but for a common vision. If God has united us, it is because He has a mission to entrust to us, to both of us. Marriage is not only a party and a beautiful dress, a quiet life with children. If God calls us to marriage, it is because it is part of His plan for our lives. Therefore, selfishness can never be part of God's plan for marriage after His heart. During this preparation, the vision of love will be purified by the Word, so we will have to understand and live 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (Darby): “Love uses patience; he is full of goodness; love is not envious; love does not boast; he is not puffed up with pride; he does not act with impropriety; he does not seek his own interest; he does not get irritated; he does not impute evil; he does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; he bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fades. »
For us women, this preparation will also cleanse us of the “independent woman” vision often inspired by the aggressive and castrating feminism that society promotes. For the future spouses, it will be the way to reframe their role as head of the family, to be a true leader, who takes responsibility and will not distort biblical submission by crushing his other half. Paul speaks clearly to us of it according to the heavenly balance, in Ephesians 5:22-25 (KJV): “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord; for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church, which is his body, and of which he is the saviour. Or, as the Church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in all things. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself up for her”.
Properly done preparation for marriage must be a kosher cleansing of soul pollution. A pollution produced by what our ears have heard, what our eyes have seen and what our body has experienced for years because of series, films, music or difficult or even chaotic relationship and family experiences. This preparation will have to be done without compromise with the Word. We all have to go through it, because no one is perfect; Recognizing this is already the key that allows this properly framed preparation, opening the door to Holy Spirit to come and transform us, to prune us, so that our marriage glorifies our King and Lord Jesus Christ.
Let us therefore accept to circumcise our hearts during this period. The tears that will be shed during this marriage preparation will keep us from filling buckets with our tears throughout our married life. Let's remain humble also the car humility precedes glory.
Author Aurélie de Souza ( – Fréquence Chrétienne)