General AnnexesSexuality and the Christian LifeQuelle est la place de l'attirance physique dans le choix du conjoint...

What is the place of physical attraction in the choice of spouse?

BGospel Newsletter

I do not think that the physique has no importance in a romantic relationship, in the choice of one's spouse. Let us remember that our Creator in one granted Himself value. Reason why He created us in every detail. When we look at ourselves in a mirror, we marvel at the precision with which it has shaped us. Each organ or part of our face is in its place, it is the same for the members of our body.

Our organs and limbs work together, everything is in harmony. Comment is it possible? It is beyond our human understanding. We realize through the work that we are, that God has done a meticulous job. But as children of God, should we privilege physical appearance in the choice of our spouse? What role does physical attraction really play in the choice of our future spouse? Is it priority or secondary?

Beauty has been a criterion of selection in the Bible.

In the Holy Scriptures, there are numerous mentions of several characters whose beauty did not leave anyone indifferent, and in particular their future partner. When we take the case of the book of Genesis, we discover how Jacob met his first wives and how he fell in love with one of them, Rachel: “Léa had delicate eyes; but Rachel was beautiful in stature and beautiful in face” Genesis 29:17 (KJV). In Genesis 29:17 (GS21), it is written “Rachel was beautiful in every way. »

Jacob had a physical attraction to Rachel, whom he considered more beautiful than her sister Leah. He waited and worked hard to get it: “So Jacob served seven years for Rachel: and they were in his sight like a few days, because he loved her” Genesis 29:20 (KJV).

In the book of Esther, the servants of King Ahasuerus had young, beautiful and virgin women sought out for him: Let maidens be sought who are virgins and beautiful for the king” Esther 2:2 (SG21). The Word tells us that they prepared cosmetics (beauty) for the future queen. Longer at verse 7 (SG21)it is written of Esther: This girl was beautiful in every way. And at verse 9 (SG21): "The maiden pleased him and gained his sympathy". The future Queen Esther had already managed to win the heart of King Ahasuerus because of her outward appearance. We all know this story and know that apart from her physique, Queen Esther had other assets that pleased the king.

The Word also mentions men of unordinary beauty such as Absalom in 2 Samuel 14:25 (KJV): “There was not a man in all Israel so renowned as Absalom for his beauty; from the sole of his foot to the top of his head, there was no fault in him. » Likewise in 1 Samuel 9:2 (KJV) we can read : “He had a son named Saul, young and handsome, more handsome than any of the children of Israel, and taller than them all. »

The Bible makes numerous mentions of physical beauty, of what dresses our carnal eyes. But what about our days in our current society?

What is physical attraction these days?

I must admit that physical attraction is not a negligible criterion in romantic relationships. But what is physical attraction? There is an expression that says " beauty is subjective »another says that " beauty is in the eyes of the beholder ». We understand that what may appear beautiful to one person may not necessarily be so to another.

On the other hand, beauty may be based solely on outward appearance for some, while for others beauty is a whole: it encompasses physique, character, behavior, faculties or qualities, such as kindness , benevolence, gentleness, wisdom, liveliness to name but a few. When we talk about physique, we may not only be talking about facial features, size or shape but also about charisma, allure, something special that this person exudes that attracts us, that we cannot explain . That little something that dressed us towards that person.

12 factors to consider before marriage

What does the Word tell us? " Man looks at what strikes the eye, but the Lord looks at the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7 (SG21). Indeed, we often look as outward-looking human beings. Although the appearance of many authority figures has been mentioned in the Bible, as children of God, the Word urges us not to look only at that.

Indeed, we do not deserve to base ourselves on men's criteria. What else does the Word tell us: "Have, not that outward adornment which consists of braided hair, golden ornaments, or the habits one puts on, but the inner adornment hidden in the heart, the incorruptible purity of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which is of great price before God” 1 Peter 3:3-7 (KJV). Which brings me to this last important point.

What criteria should a child of God favor?

The physique is a criterion that can certainly be taken into consideration in the choice of spouse during the first meeting of two future spouses, but also when they are dating. And in the world we live in, it matters a lot. However for the Christians that we are, it should not be essential. Several other qualities are crucial to us. In particular these:

1/ Being a Christian.

What does the Word tell us through this verse?

“Do not put yourselves with the infidels under a foreign yoke. For what connection is there between justice and iniquity? Or what do light and darkness have in common? 2 Corinthians 6:14 (KJV)

Indeed, we aspire to have, as the expression says "crooked atoms », common values ​​with our partner. For any Christian, one of the values ​​to which we attach the most importance in the choice of our spouse is that he or she be a child of God. We seek in priority to unite with a person who is either Christian or in Christ, who has a life in conformity with the Word, who advocates if I can say the values ​​of Christ. As this verse above says, what is there between a Christian person and one who is not?

This other verse mentions the fact that beauty is only illusory; but that a woman who has the fear of God, who honors God is far preferable to another: “Grace is deceptive, and beauty is vain; the woman who fears the Lord is the one who will be praised. » Proverbs 31:30 (KJV). If her husband dies, she is free to marry the man she wants, but on one condition: this man must be a Christian.

2/Be pure.

“Let no one despise your youth; but be an example to the faithful, in word, in conduct, in charity, in faith, in purity” 1 Timothy 4:12 (KJV).

The Word exhorts us to be examples, especially in purity. In this other verse the Bible encourages us to marry if we are unable to control ourselves, in order to avoid having desires that intend to cause us to be immodest: “But if they lack continence, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn” 1 Corinthians 7:9 (KJV).

12 factors to consider before marriage

We understand as we explain the Word, that it is better to unite with a person who has lived in abstinence and who is still a virgin. For let us remember that when we bond through sex with a person of the opposite sex, we become one flesh: "Or don't you know that he who unites with a prostitute becomes with her one Body ? It is written, indeed: The two shall become one chair” 1 Corinthians 6:16 (NFC). This is why we are advised to wait until marriage before doing anything and to be able to discover each other at the agreed time.

3/ Be upright.

We are not looking for a flawless spouse, but with a minimum of qualities such as: honesty, loyalty among others. It is true that these qualities do not register on the person when we meet him new. However, when we go more in our relationship, when we start dating, we can already discern if this person is right.

What does the Word tell us about this? The Bible tells us that he who is righteous is "He who walks in integrity, who does righteousness, and who speaks the truth from his heart" Psalms 15:2 (KJV). In a friendly relationship, we are looking for real, sincere, honest people, all the more so in a future marital relationship: “Observe the one who is blameless, and look at the one who is upright; for there is seed to the man of peace” Psalms 37:37 (KJV).

We promise a lineage, a descent to the one who is upright, upright and honest. These are criteria to be taken into consideration when choosing a spouse. You will agree that it is also necessary to have feelings for this person. Love also remains important in the selection of one's future spouse.

4/ Fall in love.

I still wanted to mention love, which remains one of the main ingredients in the choice of our future partner. You will tell me that it seems obvious, but I know couples who have been married for years and who when they met, felt almost nothing for each other; they learned to discover each other little by little and to love each other.

However, many people fell in love in a very short time, or at first sight, as they say. In the world we speak of love at first sight. As children of God, when we wait on God, exercise our patience, and ask Him in our prayers for a woman or a man after His heart with the values ​​mentioned above, He will give us a spouse who first delights, and then pleases us. And it will develop the love in us for this future partner.

We are going to love him not only with the love of Christ but with a sincere love, like that described in 1 Corinthians13 : “Love is patient, it is full of kindness… it hopes for everything (…) Love never dies” 1 Corinthians 13:4;7;8 (SG21).

I could have mentioned many qualities such as kindness, benevolence, wisdom, but I wanted to content myself with these. Through this article, we understand that the place of physical attraction is not a priority in the choice of spouse. Indeed, it has its importance as we have seen in the Bible, but in a secondary way.

As children of God, we do not deserve to be supplied by outward appearance but seek first a person who meets the criteria of the Kingdom, a person who knows the Lord, has accepted Him and walks in conformity with His word .

God bless you.


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