There's a good reason why the Church doesn't talk to singles about sex very often. The Bible is clear that sex is an act exclusively for married people and that talking too much about it to single people can cause unnecessary stumbling or discontent.
But the Bible is also clear that sex is a beautiful gift from God. It is spoken about much more positively in the Bible than in our fear-driven church culture. The solution to not being a stumbling block should not be to never talk to singles about sex, unless it is in the context of exhorting singles about their purity.
Pour les célibataires, ne pas parler ou penser au sexe pendant si longtemps, puis finalement se marier et s'attendre à ce qu'ils accueillent immédiatement le sexe comme une partie importante de leur vie, peut être très préjudiciable. L'Église peut facilement faire plus pour préparer les célibataires au mariage et même utiliser le thème du sexe conçu par Dieu pour encourager les célibataires, qu'ils se marient ou non.
Here are three consequences I've seen of the Church rarely mentioning sex unless it's in a negative light:
1. The way the Church talks about sex can lead to sexual repression
Because sex is almost always approached in a negative way with single people – as in, not having sex or whatever – it leads many to repress themselves sexually and fear sex itself.
I'm sure the details of what it looks like take into account Ephesians 5: 3 varies from person to person, but if someone holds firmly to this belief, there is no sexual activity before marriage. And then, by Church standards, you're expected to flip a switch just because you're married and become that sex kitten your partner pleases overnight.
Our bodies don't work that way. And if you have the mentality that what it takes to be sexually pure is to “beat your body and make it your slave,” it can be hard to undo this repression.
christian sex therapist Lauren Peterson discusses this in a podcast called Truth, Trauma, Theology:
“I've seen couples walk through the door where neither can access the excitement because they've spent years turning it off.
“I see a lot of body shaming, body hate, I see a lot of disgust at sexual attention…Because of some of the messages that we got implicitly or explicitly – women who feel like the their husband's attraction to them is crude. They cannot receive it in a loving way. Because they've been told all their life that if men do that, you're probably immodest, or you're delaying something to attract that and that's a sin.
“Our bodies are not switches. »
This has serious implications not only for the sex life of husband and wife, but also for their ability to enjoy God through the beautiful gift of sexual intimacy. And for some, unless serious unlearning takes place, it can take years and years or even a lifetime before they can enjoy themselves.
God created us for fun! Not just sexual pleasure, of course – the pleasure of food, of friends, of wine, of a cool breeze. This begs the question of what else we are preventing ourselves from enjoying, and therefore cutting ourselves off from a direct channel to knowledge, real knowledge of God in this way.
Je ne fais la promotion d'aucun acte sexuel d'aucune sorte avant le mariage. Mais à quel point notre mentalité pourrait-elle être différente si nous acceptions que nous étions des êtres sexués ET que nous sommes toujours créés à l'image de Dieu ? Être un être sexuel ne signifie pas nécessairement participer à des actes sexuels, mais cela signifie une acceptation sainte et confortable de notre sexuality rather than repression.
The Church could bring so much good to the lives of their singles if they would stop being afraid of sex and start talking about it like God does – in a very positive way!
2. Implicit messages about sex can lead singles to feel deep shame around their sexual nature
There was sex in the perfect and holy Garden of Eden even before the fall, as Genesis 1: 18 tells us: "And God blesses them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. "
And not only was there sex for procreation, there are also clear biblical guidelines for sharing intimacy for intimacy:
“Your sex life will be blessed if you take joy and pleasure with the woman of your youth” 5 Proverbs: 18-19 TTP
« Ne vous privez pas mutuellement de relations sexuelles à moins que vous n'acceptiez tous les deux de vous abstenir d'intimité sexuelle pendant un temps limité afin de pouvoir vous consacrer plus complètement à la prière. Ensuite, vous devriez vous réunir à nouveau afin que Satan ne puisse pas vous tenter à cause de votre manque de maîtrise de soi » 1 Corinthians 7: 5 TNL
All of this indicates that our sexual nature is a good thing.
It's a good thing that we want to be close to other humans. It's a good thing that we want to use the bodies God has given us to please each other and to experience pleasure ourselves. It's a good thing that we want to be vulnerable and give ourselves completely to each other.
But the implicit message that single Christians hear more often is this:
“Sex (before marriage) is a sin. Therefore, only think of sex as a sin.
“If you know sex is a sin, you are less likely to be wrong. »
“Your body is responsible for causing sin in others, so cover it up. »
“Being sexual is ungodly. It is most sacred for the least sexual you can be.
“If you are sexual, you are dirty. »
When that's the message you hear for years and years as a single person, it doesn't just evaporate when you get engaged or married. When there is deep fear around something as vulnerable and precious as sex, it is impossible to overcome without serious prayer and guidance.
People who go through this experience, when they get married, have to struggle with, “I know I have the right to have sex now, but it's still dirty. I'm dirty. My partner is dirty even to be attracted to me. But it's supposed to be such a good thing. Why do I feel this way? What is wrong with me? »
But we don't have to shame people to be pure.
La sexuality in all humans, yes, even single people, is a good thing! We are relational because our God is relational. And that’s something that should be celebrated, not shamed.
3. Finally, not talking about sex prevents single people from seeing how close God wants to be to them.
“As a young man marries a young woman, your Builder will marry you; As a husband rejoices in his wife, your God will rejoice in you” Isaiah 62: 5.
“Let us rejoice, be glad and give him glory! For the wedding feast of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready." Apocalypse 19: 7.
Scriptures like this make it clear that the beautiful, full knowing, exciting, and deep intimacy that bride and groom share is what God feels about us. And we can experience that intimacy whether we are married or not.
When we never talk about sex, except to married people, we miss an opportunity to discover how muchlove of God is wide and deep.
Being single and feeling like you lack intimacy – that's why God designed you! – is deeply painful. The solution is not to have singles repress the side of them that yearns for that intimacy, but to help them realize that intimacy is available to us through God all the time.
Comme l'Église pourrait être différente si nous faisions l'expérience de l'intimité du mariage avec Dieu dans notre vie quotidienne. Pendant notre trajet du matin, quand nous partageons les repas, nous brossons les dents. L'intimité pour laquelle Dieu nous a créés nous est toujours accessible, que nous soyons mariés ou non.
I am not advocating that every sermon be about explicit sexual activity or give advice to people who are far from married.
But it's part of life. Part of the beautiful messy, sometimes chaotic, sometimes layered life we share with God. And we shouldn't be afraid of it.
The opinions expressed in this commentary do not necessarily reflect those of Christian Headlines.
Photo credit: ©Getty Images/Fizkes
Kelly-Jayne McGlynn is a former editor-in-chief of Crosswalk.com. She sees the act of expression, whether through writing or art, as a way to co-create with God and experience Him more deeply. Check out her handmade earring Instagram et Etsy for more of his reflections about connecting with God through creative endeavors.
The article was written by: from www.christianheadlines.com