Let’s be honest, while there are good reasons to leave a church, there are many more bad ones. As a pastor, I hear some of these from time to time as people walk through the door. As a church planter, I hear them all the time when people walk through the door.
If you’re considering looking for a new church, please don’t use one of these five reasons to make the leap:
1. “I am not fed.”
Do pastors have a responsibility to steward the Scriptures and spiritually care for their church? You bet they do. And it can be too easy to neglect this while trying to manage staff, build systems, meet needs, put out fires, and develop leaders, all while overseeing the overall vision and direction of the church . But let’s be honest, if you have a smartphone, a home computer, or a library card, you have access to some of the best sermons and teachings in the world. You can even find teaching archives from some of the greatest preachers of all time. Christian, you have access to more “meat” than any other generation before you!
Leaving a church because you don’t have “enough” is a cop out. Your first calling in the church is to contribute, not just consume. As a Christian, you shouldn’t need to spoon-feed yourself for the rest of your life. Ultimately, you must learn to nourish yourself so that, over time, you can truly nourish others. Remember, your calling is not just to be a disciple but to make disciples.
2. “It’s getting too big.”
I can appreciate the feeling of loss that comes with growth. When we started, our church was little more than a small group of brothers and sisters gathered in a living room. It’s very different NOW that we are a church of a few hundred people spread across several services. There are times when I miss the intimacy and simplicity of those early days. But staying small is a sad and unbiblical goal.
When churches are faithful to the Great Commission, lives will be changed and people will be added to their number. It may not happen quickly, but growth is sometimes inevitable for faithful churches, given a long enough timeline. If you have a problem with big churches, you really wouldn’t have liked the first church, and you certainly won’t like Heaven.
3. “I don’t agree with everything that is preached.”
You know what? Me neither and I’m the pastor. As such, I fully reserve the right to disagree with myself. And every once in a while, I do just that. For what? Because I’m learning. I grow up. I ask questions. And my hope is that those I pastor do the same.
If you insist that your pastor agree with you on every little thing under the sun, you will either jump from church to church for the rest of your life in perpetual disappointment, or you will eventually give up and give up altogether. Chances are you’re not going to agree with everything that’s preached anywhere. As long as your pastor doesn’t preach outright heresy, you can afford to disagree on secondary issues. The truth is that when you choose to stay despite disagreeing about things, you, your pastor, and your church are better off for it.
4. “My needs are not being met.”
When someone points to this as a reason to leave, it is a dead giveaway that at some point they came to believe that the Church actually exists to meet their needs. They have bought into the lie that when it comes to church, it’s really about “me.” Here’s the thing: Church isn’t actually about you. It’s about Jesus. It’s his church. He came for that. He died for this. He bought it back. He continues to build it. And one day he’ll come back for that. It is his.
This is the same Jesus who came to seek and save the lost and then charged his Church to go and do the same. The Church does not exist to meet your needs. You are part of the Church that exists to meet the needs of the world. Put away the shopping cart and grab a shovel.
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5. Unresolved conflict
Wherever you find the community of sinner saints, you will find conflict. A lot. The Church is a big family full of characters and misfits. Sometimes the sisters argue. Sometimes brothers fight. Sometimes you want to bury your weird uncle in the garden. But still, family is supposed to be the place where you stay together. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
Paul addressed many church conflicts in his letters. Nowhere do I hear him encouraging believers to bail out each other or move to another church where it will be easier. Instead, much of his letters are his encouragement and advice to these rogue communities on how to do this very difficult and messy thing together.
When we leave at the first sign of real conflict, it compromises God’s best work among us. It avoids the process of repentance, forgiveness and grace. This denies the power of the gospel to bring reconciliation where reconciliation might seem impossible. We and those around us miss everything when we leave.
I know that not all conflicts are solvable. I know that reconciliation is impossible where there is no repentance. I understand. But remember, repentance begins with us. And so it is with the extension of grace. And when we decide to stick around and continue to repent and extend grace, I think God can do much more than we often give Him credit for. Some of God’s best works happen in the mess hall.
An earlier version of this article appeared on aaronloy.com
Aaron is a husband, father, church planter, coffee addict, insatiable learner, and chronic dreamer. He is the founding pastor of Mosaic Lincoln. You can find more of his writing on his blog or on Twitter.
